Court questions that make you go hmm.....

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place..

__________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

                                                   Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No .

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

The Scientist and Engineer's Guide to Digital Signal Processing By Steven W. Smith, Ph.D.

Currently available at no charge on http://www.dspguide.com/ I've mirrored this complete guide as it is a must read.  Major kudos to the author.

DOE Fundamentals Handbook: Electrical Science (Vol 3 of 4)

I found this interesting read while cleaning up the hard drive (I have an avalanche of junk I'm getting rid of).  More stuff to emerge soon.

UPDATE: The first try was using a link to my Google Apps account (which didn't work).  This should work fine.

Blogger Integration

I wish Twitter would accept the RSS feeds from Blogger.  I'm starting to really get in to Solaris and have other projects that I'm going to be working on.  I found out that Facebook takes RSS feeds from Blogger.

Getting Apache 2.2 working under Solaris using SMC

Don't ask me why I did this (it was painful), but I got Apache 2.2 running on Solaris 10 using the SMC instead of the default pre-fork model.  Results to be figured out later.  Anyway, for those interested here are the relevant files.  For those curious I do use zones and this is in one:

[/lib/svc/method/apache22]

#ident  "@(#)apache22        1.1     08/04/30 SMI"

. /lib/svc/share/smf_include.sh

# SMF_FMRI is the name of the target service. This allows multiple instances

# to use the same script.

getproparg() {

        val=`svcprop -p $1 $SMF_FMRI`

        [ -n "$val" ] && echo $val

}

PIDFILE=/tmp/apache.pid

APACHEBIN=`getproparg apache22/bin`

APACHEDATA=`getproparg apache22/data`

if [ -z $SMF_FMRI ]; then

        echo "Error: SMF framework variables are not initialized"

        exit $SMF_EXIT_ERR

fi

if [ -z $APACHEDATA ]; then

        echo "Error: apache22/data property not set"

        exit $SMF_EXIT_ERR_CONFIG

fi

case "$1" in

'start')

pidd="PidFile /tmp/apache.pid"

$APACHEBIN/httpd -f ${APACHEDATA}/conf/httpd.conf  -C "PidFile /tmp/apache.pid"

        ;;

'stop')

pidd="PidFile /tmp/apache.pid"

        $APACHEBIN/httpd -f ${APACHEDATA}/conf/httpd.conf -k stop  -C "PidFile /

tmp/apache.pid"

        ;;

'refresh')

pidd="PidFile /tmp/apache.pid"

$APACHEBIN/httpd -f ${APACHEDATA}/conf/httpd.conf -k restart -C "PidFile /tmp/ap

ache.pid"

        ;;

*)

        echo "Usage: $0 {start|stop|refresh}"

        exit 1

        ;;

esac

exit $SMF_EXIT_OK

[/var/svc/manifest/application]

<?xml version="1.0"?>

<!DOCTYPE service_bundle SYSTEM "/usr/share/lib/xml/dtd/service_bundle.dtd.1">

<!--

 Copyright 2008 Sun Microsystems, Inc.  All rights reserved.

 Use is subject to license terms.

 ident  "@(#)apache22.xml  1.1     08/04/30 SMI"

        NOTE:  This service manifest is not editable; its contents will

        be overwritten by package or patch operations, including

        operating system upgrade.  Make customizations in a different

        file.

-->

<service_bundle type='manifest' name='apache22'>

<service

    name='application/web/apache22'

    type='service'

    version='1'>

<!--

Wait for network interfaces to be initialized.

-->

    <dependency

        name='network'

        grouping='require_all'

        restart_on='none'

        type='service'>

        <service_fmri value='svc:/milestone/network:default' />

    </dependency>

<!--

Wait for all local filesystems to be mounted.

-->

<dependency

    name='filesystem-local'

    grouping='require_all'

    restart_on='none'

    type='service'>

    <service_fmri value='svc:/system/filesystem/local:default' />

</dependency>

<exec_method

    type='method'

    name='start'

    exec='/lib/svc/method/apache22 start'

    timeout_seconds='60' />

<exec_method

    type='method'

name='stop'

exec='/lib/svc/method/apache22 stop'

timeout_seconds='60' />

<instance name='apache22' enabled='false'>

    <method_context>

    <method_credential user='root' group='root' />

    </method_context>

    <property_group name='apache22' type='application'>

        <propval name='bin' type='astring'

            value='/opt/httpd22/bin/' />

        <propval name='data' type='astring'

            value='/var/httpd22/' />

    </property_group>

</instance>

<stability value='Evolving' />

<template>

    <common_name>

        <loctext xml:lang='C'>

            Apache 2.2 httpd

        </loctext>

    </common_name>

    <documentation>

        <manpage title='Apache 2.2' section='1' />

        <doc_link name='apache.org' uri='http://httpd.apache.org/docs/2.2/' />

    </documentation>

</template>

</service>

</service_bundle>

Looking for another job

It's that time again.  Time to go job hunting.  The downside of consulting is the volatility.  I finished updating my LinkedIn profile and it's about as current as I can make it.  Unfortunately, LinkedIn really doesn't have the ability to flesh out my technical abilities, but it has a lot of benefits since I can network with actual people instead of basically throw a note on the wall (like Monster, etc).  Feel free to review it: http://www.linkedin.com/in/gjgowey
I'm also sure I'll be revising it more too.  So much has transpired over the years that I need to talk to people and get their ok on what I've done for them before I can post it so this is most everything, but not absolutely everything.